My son has just turned 8. I remember when he was little and everything was magic and my memories of how much labor hurts started to fade and I thought about having more kids. But by that time, I was a single mother and I felt that one was enough for me to care for. But Nadya Suleman had her son just two short months after I did, and has had thirteen more children since then. She had several single births, one after another, a set of twins and then octuplets!
And even more interesting--she's a single mother. And they were all--ALL of them!--in vitro!
She had an accident at work that prevents her from further employment and allows her a meager amount of money to live off of. So she's got time to put into all these kids, but seriously, fourteen?!?!!? As a single woman living alone, she's way outnumbered by these little cherubs she has created. I really wonder what she was thinking. I watched the interview and she seems to have her head together. She was well spoken, thoughtful and deliberate. She didn't seem frazzled or stressed at all. I was stressed waking up in the middle of the night for one diaper change or feeding and could not imagine twins much less EIGHT little poop machines! The babies were still in the icu during the Dateline special; I wonder how calm and collected Nadya will be when they're all under her roof and her singular care. How will she tend to the toddlers who are walking and getting into things while changing eight diapers? By the time you've changed the last one, it's time to start over and change the first one again!
I have friends with 4 and 5 children and cringe when I accept invitations to their homes because it is difficult to keep up with that many children when they're all in diapers and all the...aromas...that little ones make can be overwhelming. Nadya also intends to complete her master's degree with her brood in tow. I'm certain it can be done. One of my best friends, and my personal hero, is a single mother of four (ages 3 to 13) and she recently graduated Anderson University with honors. Nadya must have a very firm constitution to even consider such overwhelming odds but wow! and she's the same age as me.
If you want to make your mark on the world, plant a seed and help it grow. Nadya Suleman has planted a forest and I hope for the children's sakes she is strong enough to help them all grow.
I do love children, and hope to have more some day, but if it proves difficult for me to become pregnant, I think I would look into adoption or fostering because there are so many children born with no one to love them. Why create fourteen children out of a chemistry set when she could have rescued that many or more from a life without love? People who adopt or foster several children are also accused of mental instability and greed (just taking the children in to get a paycheck for their care) but what makes them different from Nadya? The national attention or the fact that she got hers all at once from a test tube?
And she's not the only one. Most litters are born of some form of artificial method, whether fertility drugs or in vitro or some combination. There's a CNN web page dedicated to the subject here
Even with all the criticism, Nadya seems to think she can handle them all by herself. With taxpayer assistance, of course. Even if she does complete her masters degree and becomes a counselor, can one income really support all those kids? My friend with her four kids and degree from AU has a full time job (she's a teacher at the alternative school in Anderson), recently purchased a home, and still struggles to keep her head above the water even with child support to supplement her income. Nadya has no one to share her financial burden except her parents and everyone who, unlike herself, is employed and therefore contributes to her household expenses via their taxes. Is it responsible to assume that the government will take care of "me and all my children" when she has no other means of support? I sort of think it would have been more responsible to use the settlement money from her injury to support a smaller number of children comfortably rather than stretch her dollars to make more and expect someone else to pick up the grocery check. What if one of her kids wants a dog? Or new clothes? Or has special dietary needs? The old addage that it takes a whole village to raise a child gains new meaning when there is a whole village of children who each require the assistance of an entire village to help.
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I have seen a couple of articles and news casts about this incredible story. Personally I have really mixed feelings about her decision and the decision of her doctor to implant that many eggs, knowing that she already had six children at home. Part of me says if that is your dream, go for it! The more power to all single mothers out there! But the other side of me doubts her ability to provide for all the children especially because some of her children have special needs. I hope she can do all the things that are in her plan, I think that would really show people that is you have a passion and drive for something, anything is possible!
ReplyDeleteI wonder about the logistics of taking care of this many children. My boyfriend and I lived together for about six months and for half of each month, we had my two children and his two children in our home. Our children were 5, 8, 9, and 10, so three out of four of them were pretty self-sufficient. Even with that, simply scheduling 6 showers in the evening or making 6 bowls of cereal in the morning could be overwhelming. Making sure 4 children completed their homework, had their coats, brushed their teeth . . . all these little actions become so compounded when you add more children. We'd buy back to school supplies and look like we were preparing for a small classroom. Christmas presents? How about last spring we had four children on three different baseball teams with games and practices all scheduled for different days, times, and/or locations. It was definitely a challenge! And just finding time to devote to each one of them individually and trying to maintain those relationships without running on auto-pilot . . .
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine 14 young children!