23 February 2009
House
I don't usually watch TV because I don't have cable (I found that when I do have cable, my homework suffers even more than it does without the distraction) but since Santa brought me a digital converter, I get more channels than I did with just my rabbit ears. Hurray for modern science! So I've watched House (link to the episode) a couple of times because he's a jerk but he's always right so he gets away with his attitude and accompanying problems. Tonight, they got a little boy who had an extra y chromosome but they couldn't find 'his' uterus. Since he had passed out after basketball practice, his parents brought their beloved little freak of nature to the hospital for testing, certain it was because he was...different. He preferred dancing to basketball but the mother couldn't handle it so she forced him into more masculine sports and insisted her son wasn't ready to know the truth. In the end, he was sick because the mother was so over-protective. It was nicely done; House's closing words were that the boy was fine, just dehydrated. All the testing messed him up. "Just because you gave birth to a freak of nature doesn't mean you have to treat him like a freak of nature". Harsh, but so true. I blame myself when certain things happen to my son (he got into his first playground fight at school last week; I'm still traumatized). Parenting is difficult even in the most normal, conventional times with Perfectly Normal Kids (and Perfectly Normal Parents, of course) so how would I compensate for a genetic defect? Even if it isn't a defect so much as an abnormality, a diferent-ness, in your first or only child when you have no idea what you're doing? Bill Cosby says parents with only one child aren't really parents; if something is broken, you know who did it. It's not challenging enough. With a Perfectly Normal Child, that is. You don't notice the abnormalities as much when there are more children since every child is unique in different ways, each abnormality makes each child special in a different way. When there are more, it's easier to overlook the individual difficulties and see the bigger picture. Or maybe I just enjoy short bursts of chaos. I find it easier to deal with the big picture when there are several kids visiting rather than just my one needing entertainment; that's when I look for things to worry about.
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I think there is an interesting symbiotic relationship between a mother's body and her child's. I'm not talking about pregnancy, but after, as the child grows. I'm not sure I can explain it.
ReplyDeleteWhen she was seven, my daughter broke her leg. As she lay there in pain, she looked up at me, her eyes large and trusting, and KNEW I could take the pain away. And I couldn't. Not by myself. As we sat there in the hospital and later at the orthopedist as her leg was set, my presence provided as much relief as anything else.
Last summer, my daughter had a little annoying cough. She wasn't "sick." No fever. No runny nose. No hacking up phlegm. Just a little nightly cough that I didn't even really notice. My boyfriend did. Simply to appease his nagging, I took her to the doctor. She had bronchitis and her pulse-ox was so low they gave her a breathing treatment right there in the office. They prescribed her inhalers, antibiotics, and steroids. To say I felt like a terrible mom is an understatement. I had even made her climb five flights of stairs that morning.
Last week, I found out my son has a congenital defect in his urinary tract. Again, I find myself hashing out the past. How many times did I brush aside his symptoms as nothing? How many times did I not notice? What did I do during my pregnancy that brought this horror down on my son? I say horror tongue in cheek because the reality is, this defect is having no impact on him and would never be noticed if I hadn't taken him to the doctor because I suspected something else.
I tell these stories to illustrate the effect pain in the child's body has on the mother's mentality. There is a tie to the health of that child that is unexplainable, that is so binding that you will seek medical care for that child a hundred times over for the most basic symptoms that you would wholeheartedly neglect in yourself. How many times have I gone to the doctor sick in the last five years? Twice. How many times have I taken my children? Several dozen.
What is it about this instinct to protect this child and how strange is it that this overrides the basic instincts of self-preservation found in all humans?
I am confused by what is meant by the Bill Cosby quote in the post. I don't see any validity in the statement that parents of only children aren't really parents at all.
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